I haven’t allowed myself to stop for a while. These days I surround myself with worries about the future, with worries about the present. With others, with partying, with things to do… with him. He’s my favorite distraction.
But you can’t run from everything for too long. I’ve been scared a lot in my life… even when I felt strong, beneath it all I’ve always been terrified.I faked it. And what’s going on in my life right now and what’s to come in the near future is going to be the ultimate test of whether I learned anything from that fear. I’m proud of the fact that I’m at least progressing. A conversation with a friend from the past has shown me just how debilitating that fear can be. It can strengthen you or it can crush you, and there’s no one but yourself to hold accountable for which route you choose.
It’s time to grow up. Time to face it all. Time to be scared and use that fear and face the world instead of letting yourself hide behind it, like so many do. Be angry, be passionate, FIGHT for what you want.
Christ, I sound like a fucking self-help book.Is that Survivor playing in the background? When did I become so disconnected with my thoughts that my words don’t exactly match what I’m trying to say? Well, that’s another thing to work on as well. Add it to the list. For now, in the words of Mr. Boyd, “Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes”.
July 14, 2011
The Fear
